Day 6 - It's getting crazy ova herre!

Down 3.8lbs in 5 days

Alright. I'll admit it... I am a Food Addict... because I am going through some serious withdrawals over here. I was mad crazy yesterday... I was crying uncontrollably and snapped my boyfriend's head off and handed it back to him... Ugh.. He was saying the wrong fucking thing at the wrong fucking time.... Sometimes, I feel like he doesn't understand what I 'm going through. It's easier for him. He hasn't been fat his entire life.. He hasn't used food as a comfort when he's sad, angry, depressed, etc... He probably doesn't have memories of coming home from school after being picked on all day and drowning his pains in food.

To him I'm just whining and complaining and should shut up and just do it... It's easier for him. He can just decide to eat right and go to the gym and he does. I envy that mindset... I just don't have that. I have to constantly push myself to do the right thing, because the wrong thing is all I've known and done... I've been fat for as long as I can remember. For me, it's not something that I can snap my fingers and wish it so! I have to go through this hard process so I can come out a better person... I'm learning and growing and don't need to be patronized about my decisions and actions. (Sorry sweetie, but I'm just not in the mood for that shit!)

But please know this Kevin, (since I know you read my blog) I envy your strength and gain my own strength from watching you. And even when I snap at you for saying some dumb shit I don't wanna hear, I still love you and appreciate everything you've helped my through. I may not wanna hear it, but need to hear it.. I hope you understand....

Yesterday, I was a monster and it really showed me what my problem is. I am addicted to food. I feel like someone that hasn't had her fix. I just wanna eat and not no fruit and veggies... Fuck that y'all. I'm tired of that shit.

Everyday is struggle but it's putting me one more day closer to my goals.  I'm thinking about getting the Insanity workout. It looks killer. I might do Jillian in the morning and get a little Insane in the evening.. I don't know. We shall see!

4 more days to go!

♥ Shaundra